Hallucination of Illusion
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Two shorts, both with a strange little twist while still managing to seem Saiyuki-like...Please enjoy as something bad happens to Sanzo, and something worse happens to Goku.
1. Hallucination of Illusion

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Hallucination of Illusion

Disclaimer: The only thing I actually own is the wacky illusion...

Warning: uh...I'm bad at Saiyuki fanfics. This is bad. But I had to write it. 

"No, you're lying! That's impossible!" Goku's voice went from flat to angry to frightened in a matter of seconds.

"No, you're WRONG!"

Hakkai's normally cheerful, smiling face, was grave. "It's not a lie, Goku. It's the truth. He's dead."

Dead, dead...How could he be dead? How _could_ he?

How could he do this to me? H e was the most important person to me...

"Just like him to abandon us, the bastard." Gojyo voice's sounded bitter, instead of its usual sarcasm.

He abandoned us...

Silence, as they all thought about it. Really thought about it.

"How?" Goku whispered finally, breaking the silence that was stretching on painfully.

"We were all lost in a dream," Hakkai said. "When we drove into that town, we entered an illusion."

"I don't remember that!" Goku wailed. "I blacked out, and when I woke up I was here, with you!"

"You were affected the most out of all of us. We lost you right away, then Gojyo, and then I fell into the darkness, too. When I woke up, Sanzo was lying there, dead."

Dead. That word again.

That stupid, impossible word.

"Where is he now, then?" Goku demanded.

"His body turned to dust, and it just...blew away."

Goku wanted to kill Hakkai for saying something so impossible.

It's not Hakkai's fault...

Sanzo...

Dead...

I don't believe it! I _can't _believe it!

"How could he!" Goku wailed. He couldn't take this pain that was welling up inside; it hurt far, far too much. 

There was one way out.

But I might hurt Hakkai and Gojyo...

I don't care anymore.

I don't care.

Goku's shoulders sagged, and he started to fall forward.

"Goku!"

Hakkai's voice seemed far away. Goku smiled faintly, and touched a hand to his forehead. It would be so simple to get rid of all the pain.

Dead.

Sanzo's dead.

He'll never hit me with his stupid fan and call me baka saru ever again.

"What's wrong with the baka saru?" Gojyo asked. Goku felt Hakkai holding him up.

"He's in shock, I think. From grief."

"He really cared about that monk."

Dead. Dead. Dead.

Goku slipped the limiter off his head. Hakkai noticed, but too late.

"Goku! Goku, no!"

Too late.

Dead?

What's dead?

Haha...I know, I'll kill them all! It will be fun!

It will be FUN!

~~~~~

"I don't like being dead," Sanzo announced to the darkness that surrounded him. He was pissed off, and he wanted whoever was out there to know it. He couldn't feel any part of his body, except for his face. He probably didn't even have a body anymore. The only reason he could feel his face was because he was imagining that he had a face.

No, he wasn't pissed off; he was livid. He was furious. He was...

He was going to kill whatever bastard thought of this sick plan.

"I don't like being dead at all," he muttered, eyes narrowing. His facial expression could have killed. Too bad there was no one around to see it.

~~~~~

"Goku!"

"It's no good, the only one who could get him out of that state was the dead shithead," Gojyo grunted. He was clutching his bleeding arm, and a pained expression was on his face.

Goku was unstoppable. He was always like this in youkai form, it seemed; a being with no feelings except the desire to destroy.

And that horrible, horrible laugh...

"We have to stop him!" Hakkai exclaimed. "Somehow..."

"We can't even kill him!" Gojyo said. "He's too strong, even for me."

Hakkai saw the impending death of both he and Gojyo flash before his eyes, with no hope whatsoever of stopping it. 

I guess this is where it ends...

There's something very wrong here.

It wasn't just the fact that he was doomed; there was something causing him to feel very, very uneasy.

That feeling didn't get to last long, because Goku took a swing at him, and it connected with his stomach. Hakkai coughed up some blood, and looked at it in surprise.

That was a hard punch...

I feel...

Tired...

Hakkai swayed.

No, this isn't right, it's not...I shouldn't...

"Hakkai! This isn't a good time to take a damn nap!"

Can't...keep...my eyes open...

There's that darkness again...

We're not out yet...

Not...

"Gojyo..."

Hakkai tried to speak, but it was too late. He was sucked back into the darkness that he'd just escaped.

Or maybe he hadn't escaped at all.

~~~~~

"Sanzo..."

Sanzo almost started at the voice, it was so unexpected. He'd been floating in an endless void for hours, or years...or something. It was hard to keep track of time when he couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't move.

"Sanzo, how do you feel?"

Sanzo made a vague grunting noise. He wasn't in the mood for answering questions, especially not questions asked by random disembodied voices.

"Do you like my little game? Isn't it fun?"

Sanzo didn't even grunt in reply this time. The question wasn't worth answering. What the hell was this voice talking about, game? Were there games after death or what?

"It's so much fun to watch you while you're helpless. Do you feel helpless, Sanzo? Don't you hate it? Don't you want to kill me?"

Sanzo basically wanted to kill everyone, so it wasn't surprising that he wanted to kill his captor. It was humiliating to be unable to move, though, but he'd chalked it up as a side effect of being dead.

After all, with no body, it's hard to move.

"Shut up," he said. He was tired of listening to this jerk.

"Sanzo, you're not much fun. It would be more fun if you could see what was going on in my illusion..."

Illusion?

Wait a minute, here...

"Here, have a look at what your little friends are doing, now that you're dead."

Friends? What friends? I don't remember anything about any friends, Sanzo thought in typical Sanzo-fashion. He watched the image anyway.

Goku!

Goku had gone youkai, and was wreaking havoc again; this time on Hakkai and Gojyo. It looked like Hakkai was down already. He was very, very pale...

I got killed to get them out of the damn illusion, and now this is happening? Bastards.

Huh, I didn't get killed to get them out, I got killed because I wanted to get myself out.

He could almost convince himself that was true, too.

"Boring," Sanzo muttered.

"Oh, not boring at all. If one of them gets killed, they die for real. The three of them aren't part of the illusion, like the rest of it."

The rest of...

"Bastard, tell me what the hell is going on," Sanzo demanded, in his monotone. He was beginning to get sufficiently pissed off. He wished he had his gun. Hell, he wished he had his *arms*.

"I wanted to see some bloodshed, but I hate getting my hands dirty. I thought it would be so much fun for you to see your companions beat each other to death...naturally I had to make them think you were dead first. It worked just like I planned."

So I'm not dead.

Sanzo felt his lips curl up in a distinctively un-smilelike position, that bared his teeth and made him look like a very rabid, very angry, very dangerous wild animal.

In that case, I'm going to kill this bastard. As soon as I figure out where my body is.

"Keep watching my illusion...It gets better from here..."

~~~~~

Damn it, I think Hakkai might be dead! 

Gojyo couldn't allow himself to get upset over it right now because he was busy fighting for his life.

He couldn't believe that one little punch from Goku had done Hakkai in.

One little punch...

I know he's strong, but we've lived through worse wounds than that...

What the hell is going on here?

Gojyo really should have been paying more attention. He felt a hand connect with his face.

That was nothing...

So why does my head feel...like it's going to...fall off...

Gojyo collapsed to the ground.

How...embarrassing...to die, like this...

After everything...

"Shit," he mumbled, and the darkness overtook him.

~~~~~

"Two out of your three friends are dead, and your little pet killed them! What are you going to do about it?" the disembodied voice cackled.

"I'm going to kill you, of course."

"You can't even see me! You're so amusing, Sanzo."

"I can see you. I'm standing right behind you. Shin'e."

Sanzo fired his gun into his former captor's head. It was satisfying to see the person fall forward, dead before they hit the ground. He noticed that it was a woman, and she clutched some kind of picture in her hand. He reached out to take it, but decided that he didn't really want to look at it after all.

Maybe I should have asked what the hell this was all about.

Oh well.

The walls around him were crumbling, as illusion upon illusion faded away. He found himself in a bare room, with no windows; completely white. There was only one door. Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku were there, too. The three of them were chained to the wall, as Sanzo had been. 

Hakkai blinked sleepy eyes at him.

"Sanzo? Is it over now?"

"Aa."

Sanzo unhooked Hakkai, and Hakkai unhooked Gojyo, who woke up and started cursing profusely.

"What the hell was that?" he demanded.

"An illusion," Hakkai said.

"So you're still alive." Gojyo narrowed his eyes. "Unless you're a ghost and have come to haunt us."

"Shut up."

Sanzo saw Goku's limiter lying on the floor in front of him. Goku was awake, and staring at Sanzo with those odd, odd eyes. They were full of bloodlust, and so, so happy about it...

It was a little unnerving, even to Sanzo.

What could he be thinking, when he's like this? Who is he, I wonder?

Goku laughed, that spine-chilling laugh, as if he knew what Sanzo was thinking; as if he knew exactly what questions were going through Sanzo's mind and was deliberately refusing to answer them. Sanzo slipped the limiter back onto his head, and Goku returned to normal. Normal as Sanzo saw him, anyway.

"S...Sanzo? You're alive?"

"Hn."

"YOU'RE ALIVE!"

Goku, too impatient to wait for Sanzo to release him from his chains, ripped the chains out of the wall. He flung his arms around Sanzo, practically squealing for joy. Sanzo tolerated it for a second, then he said,

"Aa," and pushed Goku away. Goku did a little happy dance around the room, and removed the chains from his person.

"Sanzo's alive! I knew he couldn't die!"

"He's too stubborn for that," Gojyo said.

"Shut up."

"Too stubborn and too nasty."

"I'll kill you."

"Too stubborn, too nasty, and too blood thirsty."

Sanzo fired his gun. "Shut up! Now let's go."

He made for the door.

"Sanzo...I was really worried about you..." Goku said, serious for a moment. Sanzo paused.

I know you were, Goku. You shouldn't have been. It didn't matter to me.

He could almost believe that...

"Let's go."

"Right."

Goku sounded just a little sad...

Because I won't say anything that will make him feel better, like "I'll never do it again, Goku..." What does he want me to say, anyway?

What could he possibly want from me?

It made Sanzo mad.

Everything made Sanzo mad, really.

He turned around and looked at Goku for a moment. Goku seemed to see something he liked in that look, because his smile returned.

"Sanzo...I'm hungry!"

"Dumbass, you're always hungry!"

"I wasn't talking to you, hentai kappa!"

"SHUT UP!" Bang.

"Maa, maa," Hakkai said, with a smile on his face.

Everything was back to normal.

To the West...

~owari~

Author's Note: The sequel to this story is the second chapter. I don't know what possessed me to write it, but I did, so I thought I may as well share it with you.


	2. The Dream Within A Dream

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The Dream Within A Dream

Disclaimer and stuff: This is the sequel to "Hallucination of Illusion" by me. I don't own Saiyuki but if I did then Sanzo would walk around nude for the entire series.

Warning: Uh, it's weird, and it might possibly be shounen-ai, but as it makes no sense I don't really know. I attempted to examine the relationship between Goku and Sanzo...I don't know what the result is. You tell me. That being said, on with the fic! Muwahahhahahahaha!

What does he _want _from me? 

The question was keeping Sanzo awake at night, and that was beginning to irritate him. He didn't want to lose sleep thinking, especially not about this. Why couldn't he get it out of his head? Why was that look that Goku had given him causing him so much grief?  
It was such a strange look, and Sanzo didn't really understand it, which was probably why he was lying there, listening to his travel companions snoring away, trying to figure it out. What was it about those eyes that worried him so much?  
He must want something from me. But what?

Sanzo muttered a few expletives and willed his curiosity to shut up.

"Na, Sanzo? Are you awake?"

"Shut up and sleep, baka saru."

"I can't sleep."

"Shut up!"

"But Sanzo...I'm hungry."

Sanzo groaned. He should have been expecting that one. Goku was always hungry. It was annoying...but it was also...

Also what?

Sanzo told the voice in his head to shut up or die.

"Go to sleep, Goku."

Goku was already snoring.

That's Goku...

He was pretty predictable. It was nice.

Nice?

What kind of a word is nice?

Sanzo went back to cursing. It was much more satisfying.

~~~~~

"Sanzo...I want to play another game."

Sanzo recognized that voice. It was that stupid bitch woman that had trapped he and the others in an illusion, a short while ago.

This must be a dream. I killed her. She was undoubtedly dead.

"Shut up."

"But Sanzo, I want to play...you ended our game too quickly last time..."

"You're dead. Don't make me kill you."

"Sanzo...Sanzo!"

Sanzo opened his eyes, and pointed his gun in the face of the person who had woken him up. Hakkai held up his hands.

"Sanzo, it's morning."

Sanzo was usually up before all of them. 

How could I have slept so soundly? I never sleep that soundly...That stupid bitch is haunting my dreams...Why? Why do my thoughts keep going back to that day? Why do I always end up thinking about the way that Goku was looking at me...

"Let's go."

"Sanzo! I'm hungry!"

"Shut up."

Business as usual...

It was always like this, day in, and day out. Goku never looked like he had then...He never had that strange emotion in his large and innocent eyes...

Damn it all! What is my problem?!

"I want to play, Sanzo...I don't like being dead either..."

"Where the hell are you?"

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku all blinked at Sanzo with confusion written on their faces.

"Who are you talking to exactly?" Hakkai asked.

"No one." Sanzo glared at them. "Let's GO." He fingered his gun threateningly. Nobody really wanted to press the issue any further.

~~~~~

"I want to play with you, and I want to play with your pet..."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sanzo demanded. He was sick and tired of this stupid woman entering his thoughts. He had better things to do than listen to her nonsense. He had better things to do than be trapped in a dream. Dreams were complete wastes of time.

"But look! I've got your pet here, chained to the wall. Don't you like it?"

There was blood dripping down Goku's chin. It was strangely appealing, in a sick and bizarre sort of way, seeing Goku in that kind of position.

"I pulled him out of his dream so that we could play." The woman smiled. Sanzo had never gotten the chance to see her clearly before, but she was there now; there was nothing particularly extraordinary about her appearance, but she was still clutching that stupid picture. Sanzo reached out and tried to take it from her.

"Don't touch!" She warned. "I drew this a long time ago, and no one is allowed to look at it!"

Sanzo raised an eyebrow. Dream or not, he could just blow her head off and be done with it, so it was really stupid of her to be threatening him. After all, she was dead, and as soon as he woke up, she would be gone again.

But if I don't let her talk, she'll keep bothering me. I may as well find out what the hell she wants.

Then I can blow her head off.

"Sanzo, don't you want to ask Goku something?" the girl smirked at him. Even though his facial expression never changed, she seemed able to tell that he was surprised. Surprised that she knew...

She has been in my thoughts lately, after all.

"Go ahead. I've given him something that will make him tell the truth."

"No. Die." Sanzo raised his gun. The woman looked angry. She waved her left hand, and the gun disappeared.

What the...?

"I'll ask him if you don't want to. Goku, Goku darling, tell Sanzo what you really think of him."

"San...zo?"

"You're in love with him, aren't you, honey?"

"In love...with Sanzo..."

"You're grateful to him for saving you, and he's the most important person in the world to you, because he takes care of you, and you know that he cares about you, at least a little."

"Love..."

"Tell him how you feel, Goku!"

"I love...Sanzo."

Sanzo didn't know what to think about that. The woman was probably influencing Goku somehow to say that. But...

But...

Love? What is love, anyway? Something like that doesn't exist. People are together out of animal instinct, pure and simple. It's all about sex. 

He almost believed it...

He'd been around Hakkai and Gojyo for too long. They were together, even if they didn't openly admit it. There was something in both of them that called out for each other...

Is that love?

Love doesn't exist.

That's it.

"Stop this," Sanzo demanded. "I'll kill you."

"You can't kill me again, Sanzo. I just want to play. I want you to see the truth. I want you to amuse me. I want things...I want things to be different." The woman smiled. She was crazy. She was very, very crazy.

"Tell Sanzo what that look was about, the day he saved you from that illusion. The day you thought he was dead."

"The look...I thought he was dead, and then he wasn't, and I was so happy, but he didn't seem to care...but then I could tell that he did care, and I was happy again, but I know...that he doesn't..."

"Stop this, now," Sanzo growled. This was all too much. He didn't want to hear this. It was too...annoying. Confusing. Stupid.

"Sanzo...won't ever...feel like that. He's not...interested in anyone...like that."

"You have fantasies about Sanzo, don't you, Goku? Even though you're naive, you still have desires, like any man."

"Desires..."

"You want him badly, don't you, Goku?"

"Want..."

"Every time you look at him, you feel it..."

"I want..."

"Shut up!" Sanzo willed the gun back into his hand and pointed it straight at the woman's forehead. "Who are you, and why are you doing this?"

It was all a dream, so why was it bothering Sanzo so much?

__

I pulled him out of his own dream...

Was that really Goku up there, or just an image of Goku? Was all that he was saying true?

How could it be?

And how would this woman know anything about it anyway?

The woman giggled. She actually giggled. She waved her picture in Sanzo's face. He grabbed it.

It was a picture of he and Goku, and it was very, very explicit. It made Sanzo's eyes widen; not an easy feat.

"I saw you two once, a long time ago...I thought what a cute couple you'd make. I wanted to help you. I followed you. One day, you'll be like this for real. I want to play."

The woman reached out her hand and ran her fingers along Sanzo's chin. 

"I want to play with you, and I want to play with him..."

Sanzo shot her. Repeatedly. She didn't move.

"You already killed me once. You didn't even give me a chance to explain."

"Pervert."

"Maybe. All I ever wanted was to be with the two of you. Are you still going to deny me that?" She looked angry.

"I'll kill you."

"You already DID!" 

Now she's pissed. Good.

The woman waved her left hand once more, and this time, Goku's limiter disappeared. The youkai Goku was there in his place, still chained to the wall.

"Now, sexy Goku, tell Sanzo what _you_ think of him."

"I want to kill everything."

Sanzo was surprised to hear the youkai Goku speak. Normally all he did was laugh, his disturbing, crazy laugh.

Well, this is a dream, after all.

"Even him?"

"Even him. Even the one that I like the best. I want to kill him the most. I'm sure his blood tastes good."

"Stop this, _now_," Sanzo hissed dangerously.

"I won't stop until I want to stop. Goku...what is your wish?"

"To kill him, after we play."

"I want to play."

"I want to play."

Sanzo shot the woman again, and again, and again. He wanted her to shut up. He wanted to make Goku shut up, but for some reason, he was unable to shoot him.

I want to wake up now...

For some reason, Sanzo couldn't open his eyes.

The woman walked over to Goku, and unchained him. He immediately tore her to shreds. She had a smile on her face, as she lay in a pool of blood.

"Happy..."

Goku advanced on Sanzo.

"You really want to kill me?"

"After we play."

"Are you really Goku?"

"Maybe. Maybe I'm someone else."

"You're not the Goku I know."

"Not the Goku you love, you mean." Youkai Goku stopped, and grinned at Sanzo. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"Shut up. I've had enough of this. I'm going to wake up now."

"The real Goku does love you, you know...he wants you...he always will...And that look on his face will haunt you, because you care about him more than you'll ever admit."

Sanzo shot the fake Goku. He shattered into a million pieces, and Sanzo was finally able to open his eyes. It was still dark in the room he was sharing with his three companions. They were all snoring soundly.

Just a dream...

"Sanzo...Sanzo, I want..."

Sanzo started at Goku's voice. He looked over; Goku was still sound asleep.

Just a dream...

Right?

Things won't change. Things will go on exactly as they have been. This changes nothing.

Nothing.

So why...

Why am I thinking...

Why is it that I still can't get that look out of my head? Why does he haunt me so?

Damn baka saru. Damn him.

Damn him...

But I'll never leave him behind.

~owari~  
  
Author's note: I...I don't know. I just, don't know.


End file.
